Herez the conversation between my Friend and I based on the mail fwd (blog : Part I)
Friend: How about another version of the story?
Me: Sure go ahead.
Friend: Well.. the guy moved on and married another girl who was "normal" and the first girl went back to her parents and lived with them. Both were happy and lived happy lives.. in their own ways..
Me: Fine if they were happy. But then I wouldn't like it
Friend: hmm.. why?
Friend: Single girls staying with parents is not a big deal these days..
Friend: and marriage is not a must either..
Me: agreed
Me: But I wish that all marriages were made such that they think that they were born for each other and they shouldn't think they have an option out of it
Me: and unless its a painful thing there should be no separation
Friend: hmm..
Me: The day one thinks there is an option out of it they would stop trying and simply pry for better options. That would be never ending.
There should be some level of commitment in life
Friend: yeah.. that's true..
Me: And think of each other as dukh sukh ke saathi else why bother marry at all? Just have fun all life without any responsibilities, commitments or the luggage that comes with marriage
Friend: but, one doesn't know unless one enters the relationship?
Me: then one shouldn't enter the relationship and if one does, then one should try ALL one can (and beyond) to maintain the sanctity of it, well if one things its sacred that is....
Friend: I like the way you think..
Friend: but, reality is that there are too many unhappy marriages and divorces that I have seen in my Friend circle
Friend: not counting all other failed relationships of other flavors
Me: I know, but how many of your Friends are in India?
Me: Divorces mainly happen coz women are now independent and don't take everything hands down. Men are not too used to it. So there is the problem
Hence men sometimes have to sober down too, though its a male dominated society
Friend: that's a simplistic description..that divorces are because of the rise of women power
Me: It is. I have seen it happen. Earlier, even when men were wrong, they used to dictate to the ladies. The ladies having no other go, would take it hands down. After a while things would fall into place. So allz well.
Friend: hmm
Me: But if the girl fights back or questions anything, then starts the trouble..
Friend: I guess that generation is gone..
There ended our conversation on the issue. But then, though I agree that the generation is gone, I strongly feel that was the sole reason our system of arranged marriages was so successful.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Hi Soumya:
While I appreciate the idea of commitment, and trying utmost to make things work in a marriage, I disagree with the assertion that the system of arranged marriages is "successful". It definitely was good for the growth of the economy - stable families do produce healthy children - but the idea of marriage as a "duty" and not as a "relationship" has meant love-less co-habitation for far too many people. Terrible from an individual's point of view, isn't it?
I do partly agree with your thesis on divorces. Divorce rate is high primarily because of mis-matched expectations. Guys do have a problem - they are stuck in 19th century and don't realize that women are equals. At the same time, I've also seen girls whose expectations are way out of hand.
I think the basic problem is this: people don't seem to think of marriage as a big enough deal to put in enough thought before making a decision.
What the heck was the guy in the story thinking! How can 10 days be enough to figure out who is going to marry and marry off! And what was the girl thinking? Why did she make the decision so quickly without discussing what changes she is comfortable with and what she is not?
I also thought the story was supporting traditional stereo-types without second thought. E.g., it seemed to imply that cooking was a woman's job.
Post a Comment